My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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