shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
