Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Randomize
