your parents love me but you hate me
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Blood and glitter go together right?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
