why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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