Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
