remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
