Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Randomize
