I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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