she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
