Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
