Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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