Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
