Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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