I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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