In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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