I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
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To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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