Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
