Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
