GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
