At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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