i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
She announced her abortion via fbk
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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