He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
