yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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