I'm laying in your front yard are you home
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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