is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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