WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just want nice things and good sex
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
