You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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