i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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