I don't usually arrange sex via text message
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
