you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
