I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
