I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
