we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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