okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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