So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
