I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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