she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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