nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
