Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Randomize
