Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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