I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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