My underwear smells like fireworks.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
