i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
