wakey wakey hands off snakey
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
