and next time when you feel me up, do it right
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
