I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I don't want my vagina anymore.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
