I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
