Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Be still, my beating vagina.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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