someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
