Barsexuality is the new black.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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