Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
they need to just BURY HIM!
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
