So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
