I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I want to be your penis for a week.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
