I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
