If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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