so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
