i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
