im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
So much rum. So many feels.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
