i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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